From book,"Tomato Soup for Judges and Lawyers" imaginin
21st Century criminal laws
One was plaintiff’s
lawyer
One was a defendant’s
lawyer
One was a criminal
lawyer
One was a Judge
And one was a
businessman
Together they talked
tipsy
“Don’t you think
We must have some say
in appointment of
Judges”,
Criminal Lawyer
emptied his glass
“That won’t be
necessary at all”
The businessman broke
the bad news,
‘Government is
planning now
to disinvest entire
judicial industry
And bids too have
come
"Multinational brands have offered
One Court in every
Mall
Justice in 30 days or refund of court fee paid
Foreign Direct Investment has offers 10,000,000 crores
On only one condition
its Chairman should be apoindet lifetime Chief Justice of India"
Businessman said in a
husky voice
Shocked Judge spoke
first,
“How can they deliver
Justice in 30 days?
Businessman
explained,
“World over people
are trying
To replace judges
with computers;
Evaluation of
evidence
To be replaced with
Calculation of
evidence
One blow means three
years R.I.
Two blows mean six
years R.I.
Feed key facts and data in computers,
and press a button
Out comes trial court
judgement!
Press another button
And out comes
Appellate Judgement!
Press last button
And out comes Supreme
Court order saying,
‘We regret to dismiss
your SLP
Come again after six
months
If circumstances
change
We appreciated relations with you"
Businessman saw the
future of Law in India
“Oh! No, My friend,
No.
You just don’t
understand
What exactly is
Criminal Law”
Criminal Lawyer brightened up,
“Let me give you a
Demo” he said
He took out a
revolver from his pocket
And shot down
businessman
With three bullets, there and then
Just in order to give
a demo
He turned to stunned
audience,
Put revolver in his
pocket
And explained,
what
exactly is criminal law!
“The whole object of
criminal law is
not to
let criminals know
What exactly is
criminal law!
"If they know what is
criminal law,
Will they not start
committing
Crimes in accordance with law?
"To keep them groping
in dark,
Criminal law must
keep changing
From facts to facts
From case to case
From courts to courts
From bench to bench
From counsel to counsel
And from hour to
hour”
Criminal lawyer aptly
explained
Why computerization
can’t work
At least in criminal
law!”
And Then he called
the police
To take away the dead
body
of businessman
forthwith
P.S. I. Came
And arrested all of the four
“I did nothing, I was
just sitting”
The Judge protested
“I.P.C. 302 r/w 34 is
the charge,
Common intention can develop
on spur of moment;
No overt act is
necessary;
You judges have said this!”
P.S.I replied,
“Let us move
a common bail
application for all”
Criminal lawyer showed
the way
Sessions Judge
granted bail
To all three lawyers:
But refused bail to
Judge
As police had said,
Revolver was found
from Judge’s pocket
And Investigation was
on
Desperate judge moved
High Court
High Court rejected
bail
And ordered
departmental inquiry
Against the judge
Double desperate
judge
Moved Supreme Court;
The Court of last
resort
Where all things are
considered
To balance scales of
justice
As matter came up for
admission,
Senior Judge threw
the opening ball,
“Tell us first, Mr. Counsel,
What business your
client had
To sit with lawyers
at Goa beach?
Didn’t he knew the
cliché
A snake lives hidden
Under sleeves of every lawyer?”
“My lords!! My client
was just sitting!
It was criminal
lawyer who did it,
Investigation is
perverse wholesale!”
The counsel asserted
“Yeh, yah! we have
read that.
But you have to prove
this in trial”
Brother judge said
sympathetically
“Tell us, who called
the police?”
Brother judge asked a
pertinent question
“My Lords! Criminal
lawyer called police”
Counsel replied
correctly
“Then? Why would he
call police
if he had killed
businessman?
In fact he should
have been made Complainant
If he will come to
us,
We may discharge
him”,
Brother Judge said
putting down the file
And picking up the
next matter
Senior judge too put
down the case
but said
empathetically,
“Not a case for
interference under Art.136”
Counsel came out from
court
And conveyed the
result on cell phone
“SLP is dismissed
but there is nothing
to worry;
the Judges have said,
After you have
completed five years,
We can move another bail application”
Counsel put emphasis
on word We
For reasons best
known to him
Haresh A. Raichura
(from my book "Tomato Soup for Judges and Lawyers"
